I ain't no ordinary ...

It's official. I ain't no ordinary dude...there's something especially dumb about me...and everything around me behaves extraordinarily stupidly. I never fail to amuse myself, nor do my surroundings.

Well...one more story for you. On Orlando-Newark leg of the flight, I found that my much coveted window seat is already occupied by a kid, and his mom's in the middle seat. Well, what can I do? I go ahead, take out a book from my backpack, and put it on the aisle seat, trying to pretend that I will be sitting on the aisle seat. But, I am really expecting that his mom will offer me the window seat....but no luck. Who said this only happens in Bihar trains.

While in New York, I got email from T-mobile with instructions to unlock my cell phone. I started right away...followed their instructions step-by-step, but I lost my patience soon. For some reason, my mind kicked in during the process (and it's not completely wrong either), and told me that unlocking has been done. Despite all their warnings, I stopped right away. Of course, my new PEBL cell phone got screwed up. But that's not all...if it was, I would have taken some solace in the fact that my phone is no good anymore. It's always different for me, it's always more frustrating than it is bad. Neither of my cell phone and SIM has gone bad !! my SIM works with other T-mobile phones, and my PEBL phone works fine with and reads any other SIM in this world...including the one that I used three years back while in Trichy. But, my phone and SIM won't go together :)

On Newark-Delhi leg, I got to sit on the window seat. I am of course happy, and waiting for the flight to take off. I am trying to take a nap, and suddenly somebody breaks my rhythm in a very FBI style, "Sir, can I have your boarding pass?". It's the flight attendant, and before I understood anything, I had already said "sure", in a very etiquette-rich (??) American style. She takes away my pass, and just disappears. I waited for over 5 mins, and now I am sure that she will come back with two feds, and they will say to me very nicely, "Sir, you are in the wrong aircraft. Actually, the plane to Guantanamo takes off from the next boarding gate?"

Anyways, she comes back, returns my boarding pass, and asks me to transfer to another seat. A new seat number is written by hand on my boarding pass, and I am just concerned about the alphabetical part of the seat number. It's "A", and I have no complaints. I head to my new seat, only to find that again my window seat is already occupied by a desi dude...and his wife's sitting in the middle seat. They also don't care about fake mannerism, and don't even offer me my seat. The flight attendant, who was escorting me, asked me whether the aisle seat is fine with me, or do I want the window. I looked at the dude, and he is in no mood to let go the window seat. I again showed my good manners :) , and settled for the aisle.

The plane reached New Delhi, and I am waiting for my luggage. I am waiting and waiting, my luggage is nowhere to be seen. Most of the people have already left. Even the conveyor belt stopped once, and they had to restart it again, which filled some hope in me. More luggages are coming, and still no sign of my bag. Now, I know that either it's not checked in, or it will be the last bag. Out of hundreds of passengers, I know that I am the chosen one; and out of about thousand pieces of bags, my bag is the chosen one. I know myself, and I am damn right: my bag is the LAST. I am so happy, and run towards my luggage to take it off the conveyor belt. It never ends. My bag is somehow stuck between the belt and its metal casing. I pull it and the handle on the zipper chips away making a nice sound, which I took as my welcome note to New Delhi. I practically saw every bag in that flight being taken off the belt, and I don't think it happened with anybody else.

This January, Anurag had the honor of accompanying me on the flight to Washington, D.C. for TRB. Well, he had dutifully avoided me, but on a later day I booked the same flight as his, so that we will go together. We were waiting at the Reagan for our luggage...and after a while I uttered as usual, "Our's gonna be the last baggage on the belt". And there you go...it cannot not be wrong...especially if it's bad stuff (which it always is).

Anyway, it's over I thought. I am already in New Delhi. I came out of the airport, and found my cousins waiting for me. They happily booked a pre-paid taxi for me, which will take me to the JNU. I went out, and on the receipt, I have the license plate number of the taxi I am supposed to ride. I looked around, read the plate of every single vehicle parked there...and....need I say anymore. I even looked up the taxis in the waiting queue...being held by the cops from entering the boarding area. I went through the queued vehicles...no luck. My cousin went back to the counter, and asked about it. The usual reply "it should be here soon". I saw passengers coming after me and riding their taxis, and I saw many empty taxis waiting for a passenger to be assigned to them. There are so many unoccupied taxis parked right there... but mine had to be some special dude...who is "on his way". Anyway, my cousins made couple of rounds of the counter...again, very much like my boarding pass in the plane, the guy stroke out the printed taxi number, and wrote a new one with his hands. Anyway, it went all good...I reached my destination on the same day I was supposed to.

In the mean time, US Embassy has put me on hold for some further processing. I guess my case has to be cleared from Washington. Frankly, I never thought so highly about my "research" work as I do now. They care!

Of course, I have listed only the not-so-good stuffs above. I am loving it in New Delhi. The weather is usually cloudy and showers occasionally. The vibrant life on Delhi streets is just amazing...I really want to take lot of pictures here. But, I don't want to look like one of those foreign-returned dudes clicking the camera on his way. Modestly and sneakily, sometime I take pictures. I take a picture of my cousin first (who is accompanying and helping me everywhere), which prepares enough moral ground for me to take another with him out of the frame :). I am actively observing the roads here...and am quite amazed with the driving skills. Every moving object finds just enough space in just the right time to keep on moving...it looks more like a fluid motion. I can bet that no microscopic or otherwise simulation software can model the traffic here.

Buy two, Get one free

This sounds like a typical marketing strategy at some superstore or an online portal.

But here we have something totally different, unheard of, and unimaginative. Atleast for me. Thouhg it was related to one of the GRAVEst thing in our life, yet it sounded funny to me.

As the Imam at the community mosque was trying to sell graves at discounted price in the month of Ramadhan, it was hard for me to hold my laugh. Yet it was quite relevant.

"...Grave for $ 400 only. This is special Ramadhan offer. You won't find it at throw-away price after this month. You come on Eid day, and I can't give this for less than $700. You know we have been struggling to have our own cemetry in this area for years. Our sisters and brothers have faced diffculty to arrange for a burial site for their loved ones. Now we have our own land. And the Zoning is also done. We have already deposited a downpayment of $80,000. Now the target of the project is to collect another $30,000 by this December towards a total cost of $200,000. Book your grave now (before it is sold out like a hot-cake !). We are not asking for donations, you pay for yourself. After you, your family members dont have to worry about your last ritual. The mosque committtee will take care of that. But there is handling cost of $200 towards that. The cement vault has to be erected, then there is transportation cost, and the tombstone with your name inscribed on it. Pass these yellow forms (handing over forms to front row persons) and everyone who needs it, or who plans to stay in this area should fill this at once. And I am sure everyone needs it. I have taken one form for myself (showing his yellow form to public-so that they dont doubt him.).

"Imam saheb, is there any discount in price if we take more than one?"

"If you take two graves, the third will be free !! (much like a family-plan offer ). But only during this month. Return your filled-in forms to the mosque or mail it by month end. If you come to me after six months, and say I had filled in the form but forgot to return. I will say $700. (Crowd laughs)"

"Do we have to pay the whole amount right now? "

"No. You have to return the form in this month. And pay by xx-xx (some date). And those of you who dont want to buy a grave, but still wanna contribute towards the project, you are welcome. You can fill in these pink forms and write you donation amount (now I must say it was very smart of him)."

Graves are commodity and Imam acting as a perfect sales manager (not that anything is bad about it). The Holy month and elevated spirits, so this holy-day offer.

However, not many youngsters were holding either of the forms. Perhaps they thought they were not going to die. What if their insurance companies come out with some comprehensive packages comprising a nice grave.

This is amreeka...dude ! Now I see there are some benefits of living in third world. Atleast graves are free ! Enjoy the life, but dont forget to book your resting place.